"I want to share how I try to remain faithful to Srila Prabhupada...my association with Prabhupada was not very physical. As a brahmachari, most of my service was preaching—arranging college programs and later working in communist countries. I lived away from the temple. So, I developed a habit of writing a daily letter to Prabhupada in a diary. In these letters, I would present myself to him, apologizing for my mistakes or bad relationships that day. This practice helped me enormously. Even though I wasn't getting physical association, it kept me in a conditioned space of always feeling Prabhupada's presence. When Prabhupada left the planet, I didn't feel shaken because my connection was largely through vani (instruction) and internal communion.
I have a constant prayer asking Krishna and Prabhupada to force me to do what is necessary to serve them best. I ask Krishna to "take back my free will." It is my own intelligence that has caused me to miss the point for lifetimes. My prayer is: "Let me give my intelligence back to You because You are the greatest protector. You know exactly what I need; I only know what I want."
When we returned, something happened that changed my life. We walked into the room, and the yogi sat up. He looked right at us, and rays of yellow-red-white light literally came out of his eyes. I was trembling, thinking, Who is this guy?
Then he looked at me and said, "Your name is Wayne. This is your mother's name. This is your father's name." He knew everything. He looked right into my eyes and said, "Your eternal guide is A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada and Bhagavad-gita As It Is. Read that; he is your eternal guide."
I returned to Vancouver and bought the Bhagavad-gita and the George Harrison's Radha Krishna Temple album at Banyan Books. At first, I wondered, "Am I just having a born-again Hindu experience? Am I just a sucker because I'm suffering?"
But as I read, I thought: "My God, who could write like this? They are talking personally to me. How can anyone write like this and affect me so much that I want to give up things and learn to love God? This person must be a pure soul."
We talk about chanting, serving, and hearing, but how do we actually get there?
The answer is commitment.
You cannot get chanting, hearing, or desire unless you are committed. Commitment brings focus, and focus leads to consciousness. Without it, we are just going through the motions in shades of dullness.
Srila Prabhupada came to the West in his old age only because he was 100% committed to the order of his Guru Maharaja. Anything powerful in Krishna consciousness comes from that commitment. It is not enough to ride on someone else's coattails; self-realization is an individual journey. It requires determination, enthusiasm, and patience.
We need to be committed to being conscious in everything we do—whether we are reading the Chaitanya-charitamrita, chanting our rounds, or serving a devotee. That commitment changes a routine activity into a conscious, spiritual experience.